Cut Off

With great pains, deliberation, and procrastination I cut out a family member from my life today, my mother. My mom has been an alcoholic for many years and as a family we have been battling the emotions that come along with an addict in a family, whether that has been denying that there is a problem, trying to get her help, or facing it on and yelling about the problem. Nothing has worked to date. After many years of trying to cope with this on my own being far away, I had to say enough. The final straw was two weeks ago when one of my twins was admitted into the hospital after nearly dying (wow, that is tough to admit and type in itself) and I called my mother to tell her what was going on. She was sober and fine one minute, and then two hours later had deteriorated into a crying, blubbering, incoherent mess that had my grandmother who is also very ill, convinced or thinking my child did actually pass. This behavior continued to spiral out of control and hit my brother, aunt, and even my father.
This week after talking to a few family members and sharing stories, I confirmed that things have not changed. I doubt she's had any sober spaces of time, except perhaps for some court mandated check-ins, over the past 10-15 years. Sean and I thought the birth of our son would have changed things and opened her eyes to another chance in life, her first grandchild after all. No, it made things worse and drove a huge wedge between us. I'd suspected she was drinking or at least abusing pills despite claims of "exhaustion". After the twins, and even leading up to their birth, I was preparing for the fact that she was wanting to visit and meet the twins. I now confirmed that I cannot have her around my children, nor myself. I love my family and children, and myself too much to have us subjected to more pain, it was time to cut the cord and give my bottom line; get help or there will be no more communication and therefore, her email is blocked from my inbox. I hope she finds the strength and will to get better, I really do. If we all lived closer, the family would have an intervention, until then, I'm doing the best that I can.