Blog it out

Here I sit, pumping away. I'm feeling really lonely right now, though I told myself not to. Sean went out with his long time friend Cat to see one of their favorite bands, The Damned. I can't get excited to see them, because honestly, I don't know who they are. The opportunity to get tickets came around a few months ago, and he jumped at it. I was hesitant of going myself knowing I would have a two month old. Good thing I didn't want to go too bad, because, well, there's no sitter! I think that is why I am sad. I am not looking to go out raging every night, probably not even once a month. I guess knowing how much life has changed, and there is not one single prospect of a sitter in our horizon, will I ever have a night out again? I guess I look around and see life moving around me and sometimes just hate watching and feeling like things are passing by. And then the guilt! Why the guilt? Because I honestly enjoy every single minute with the 'Lil D. If I had the chance to actually go out, at this point, I'm not sure I would. But for me, it's about options, and I hate having none.
I just put 'Lil D down to bed about 30 minutes ago, he was exhausted. I know I should be going to bed as well, but once again, I'm so tired, but just need time to sit and relax and catch up, y'know do things like this. I actually felt like I was putting him to sleep too soon!
So I mentioned I am pumping. I am getting a bit nervous because the past few sessions I have produced about 2 oz. less than I have been. I was a consistent 7 oz. pumper for when I would give a bottle or miss a nursing session, now I'm a looming 5 oz. Will I continue to decrease, or will this be enough? Is the hands-free bra affecting my output because I am doing other things and not concentrating on the act, I wonder.
Okay, session has ended. Time to go catch up on my Tivo...