As it turns out, the only convenient time to blog lately is after the baby has gone down for "the night", and I use the word convenient very loosely, because I should be going to bed. Sometimes, I just need a few minutes to decompress from the day, so here I am. Everyday lately I end up asking myself where did the day go? I get up around 9am, nurse, burp, change diaper, and the next thing I know it is 10, get breakfast...then noon rolls around and the cycle starts all over. Yep, that's my day. And you know what, I love it. The rare days I have something to do, I plan as far ahead as I can. Sure, things don't get done around here on any level that is considered timely, and that is incredibly frustrating. It was to be cleaning day around here, and the most I got done myself was running to the grocery store and putting away some laundry. I've accepted I must take a mental list of things I want to accomplish, and be happy if one gets finished. Sure, it'll get easier, that's what they say. Sean's been home on his "vacation" to bond with the baby, so tomorrow I made plans to go visit my friend Heather and her newborn and make ourselves scarce around the house. He can get on a powerhouse cleaning mode, and with me tending to the little one, I'm really more in the way. Oh yeah, I said "vacation" in quotes. If I were talking you'd hear a very sarcastic tone to my voice. Today was the first day he didn't have to do any real work, so there really hasn't been a huge break for him. I think he finally decided to say fuck it I have other shit to do. My only hopes for the time frame he is off is to get a pedicure and some things straightened out in the soon-to-be nursery. Neither have happened yet.
Other stuff going on: I have exactly three weeks until I slated myself to go back to work. Sure, I need to notify work of this return. Could it be hopeful procrastination that something will come through and I won't need to return to work that has kept me from emailing my boss? To be honest, I can't think about returning without getting very emotional, and if I'm by myself, crying. I hate, hate, hate the thought of leaving 'Lil D. We have a daycare provider lined up, spot reserved and deposit paid. I feel confidant as I can in the provider, it's the wife of a coworker, so someone we know in a round about way. However, it doesn't make the prospect of returning to the 8-5 world any better. I'm desperate to think of any alternative way I can stay home with the little guy, until he goes to pre-school at least, or maybe after the first year. When he smiles at me, my heart melts and I get so happy I cry, because I'm terrified to miss the next milestone because I'm working. What if he rolls over for the first time for daycare, and not mommy? Never in a million years did I think I would become this emotional or feel the way I do about returning to work. But he's so little, and helpless, I want him to have one-on-one care with his mommy. Ugh!!! So not fair!
We did have an awesome two week pediatric follow up. He's now 12.7 lbs and 23 3/4 inches. This means he's put on about 5 lbs since birth! Yep, he sure eats like a champ! He had some vaccines (yep, he's been vaccinated, so hold yer comments) and really did well. Infant Tylenol and a lot of sleep were the biggest side effects, thankfully no fevers or swelling.
Friday night I sent an ultimatum email to my mom, and Sean sent a pretty blasting email to her as well. Since then I have heard nothing. I laid down my final stance, she needs help or I can't have anything to do with her for now. No talking or emailing. I cannot put myself through it any longer. I hate how everything has turned out with this situation. But I don't know what else to do. I can't sit by any longer watching someone destroy themselves while breaking my heart. I guess that might make me a bitch to some. But with some support I know I'm doing the best thing I can for both of us, I just hope the advice is taken seriously before something worse happens. One guilty pleasure show I watch religiously is Intervention on A&E, and I can say that I have followed their formula and steps, without actually having a treatment lined up, oh yeah, or support of the rest of the family.
It's almost midnight and time for me to go to bed. I had a brief scare where I tried to make a hyperlink, and lost my whole blog because Internet Explorer is the evil beast from hell, but Blogger is very nice with their auto-save feature. So yes, I am getting deliriously tired now, and making dumb mistakes. Time for bed!
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