Oh man...

I am dying, just dying today. Exhaustion is killing me and I'm fighting to stay awake. I've caved and am having a second cup of coffee, which I poured out half of, so it's only a half a cup of coffee. The baby has taken to waking up again in the middle of the night, or twice. Last night Sean was able to rock him back to sleep, the night before he needed to eat to sleep. I hate feeding him when I know he can make it longer because of the feed to soothe and sleep issue. I get so damn frustrated in the middle of the nights now because, well, I was spoiled in that he was making it until 4:30. For the past two weeks if he woke up, I'd pop the binkie in his mouth, and he'd pass back out. He didn't need to be comforted or rocked. So I'm not sure what this is other than some kind of sleep regression phase. I hope it doesn't last. But, this is one reason that 3 months is NOT long enough for women to have have to go back to work after birth and where other countries have another leg up on the situation.
My job is still up in the air for the next year. Well, that is how it feels at least. I really only have some basic facts to base this on, like my boss being essentially reassigned and the fact that no one knows who I'd report to in the new year.
We started supplementing again one formula bottle at night last night. It's not my favorite choice, but I'd rather control the formula he gets, and give him BM the rest of the time. The sucky thing is that I can have enough supply to feed him if he is breastfeeding directly. When I am pumping I will not produce enough today to feed him tomorrow (this is when my freezer stash runs out. Example; when I started work I had over 50 bags stored of milk, I am already using the supply I started to pump since returning on the 17th to send him with to daycare. It goes wicked fast!) unless I get another pumping session in, hence the formula bottle. It's really dumb how that works. I mean, how does that even work!? Oh yeah, and let's not forget if we were to go out for an afternoon or something, that's even more of a stash I'll need. So as a test I started to take this as a supplement to see if that boosts some more production.
With all that rambling, I must get going and focus on finishing one project so I can start another.
Wow, I really ramble.